Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ode to a Friend 2/27/08


Today, she was taken away. I prepared her for her departure by cleaning her up a bit; picking up some old pens and pieces of paper strewn on the dingy carpet mats, removing sticky coins buried in the folds of her seats, taking old repair bills, insurance cards and tattered maps from the glove compartment that now won’t completely snap shut, and wiping clean her front window with a swipe of the still working wipers. I gave her another long drink of Penzoil, that thick yellow life-giving liquid she so loves, but now seems to have a hard time holding in. As a last hurrah, I sat close and took her for a final ride down 7th Avenue and thanked her for all she gave this family these past 21 ½ years of service. She still moves well – although there are times she seems to lose her stride and gives a bit of a lurch. I love driving her manual transmission. There’s a feel of being more connected to the car and the road as you up and down shift. However, the bulb at the end of the shift stick keeps moving in circles as you try to grab hold. You again remember why you are saying goodbye.

She kept all six of us (including Gorby) safe. Colin, Ryan and Drennan learned how to drive a manual transmission because of her. She took all of us on vacations – long and short. There were outings to dinners, school events, skiing, swimming, picnics, movies and many things I don’t remember. As I drove her past Good Shepherd Church and School for the last time, I couldn’t help but wonder what unapproved trips she took with the boys – that I most likely should not know about. She leaves with their secrets intact.

Of course there was the journey we took with the young Flahive sons when they completed their list of agreements and responsibilities for getting a puppy. We drove the Flea Mobile up to a 4-H farm in Golden Gate Park – to look at the litter of brown puppies the boys saw listed in the Want Ads of the Sunday paper. No, we didn’t just look. When we brought Gorby home – she was afraid to be in the back of the car – so we walked her down most of the hill, following behind the Jeep. I am sure the boys held her in their laps the rest of the way home. There were times when we were driving over rough terrain – going over some big bumps – where Marty could see from the rear view mirror, this wonderful brown dog be lifted up, with her little ears flying in the air. Many times, that back area was comfortably arranged with blankets and water for Gorby as she joined us on our many adventures.

This Flea Mobile went over mountains, through snow, water, and got us lost on a pass ending up at the town of “No Name.” -- unfortunately, getting us home late for Ryan’s Homecoming. In addition, she carried lots of food, rocks, luggage, turf, bikes, skiis, our canoe with oars and life jackets, and so many other heavy, large and sometimes dirty things for our family. She never said, “I won’t.” Many of our friends, young and old, were taken on interesting adventures carried by her 4 wheels. All the camping trips, with the people, tents, food, wet dogs, fishing poles and whatever else we chose to push into this space were also part of the journey. All my women’s retreats put her into sacred service – things stuffed inside and tied outside.

She was once stolen from the front of our home --- a day before our family was going on a trip to California. On another occasion – we mysteriously found her across 6th Ave. - -where somehow during the night she rolled down the Lafayette St. hill, on her own – amazingly without hitting anything or anyone. One Father’s Day, years ago, we had just gotten back into the car after we had an ice cream sundae celebration at Lik’s. The driver’s side door was still open, Marty tucked safely in – and CRUNCH - -someone swiped our car – and took off the door….Whew! Another close one, but all was well.

Through these 21 years we had her engine and clutch replaced a number of times. One time, when I was driving alone from Steamboat Springs, in a snow storm, she decided to have her engine go out at the top of the Pass at the entrance of the tunnel. Needless to say, driving down hill on the steep Tunnel Pass, in winter traffic, while having the engine of your car go out, whose electrical system is controlled by that engine for the power steering and brakes ---is freaky. But she and I worked together, slowly rolling down to Georgetown – where both she and I were hauled back to Denver. The good news, we both were safe.

This 4X4 1986 Jeep Wagoneer was a dedicated beast of burden for the Flahive Family for so many years. We remember when we bought her – in 1986 we thought she was pretty special – due to the power windows, power steering and leather interior – what a car. At that time, she cost almost as much as the price of our home. Today, her driver’s seat is wobbly, the leather seats torn, carpets dirty, the back windows won’t open, she rattles when she moves, has an insatiable need for oil, her color is now dull and her décor much worn.

So, we thank the Flea Mobile, that worthy beige steed with wooden sides, for her service and good work. We ask forgiveness for our lack of appropriate attention and care to her needs. We especially are grateful that all were safe as we rode within her arms of steel. Today, I took off her plates, left a thank-you note in her glove compartment and bid adieu. Long live Flea Galahad!

At her waning years, she continues to give. Marty and I donated her to a good cause and place - Colorado Public Radio. Who knows maybe she will be resurrected with a new name and new adventures to be had. Keep watch for her on the roads and toot your horn if you see her.

We have adopted a new mode of transportation – a new Camry Hybrid – we had to be ethical and buy something that was conservative on fuel. This new car will carry the FLEA plates – and the burgundy Jeep will now proudly wear – WINGZ.

Friday, January 4, 2008

“See me, feel me, touch me, heal me!” from The Who’s Musical “Tommy”

(A reflection from my first weekend program at One Spirit Seminary, Sept. 2007)

“Look deep into the eyes of one of your classmates, see beyond the façade or judgments. Look deep within the soul of the other.” You state, “I want to be seen.” The response from the other, “I see you.” This small exercise brought tears to my eyes. After it was completed, I shared with the group how surprisingly moving it was to do this. It spoke to the deepest desire of my heart and I believe the hearts of all – is to be truly seen, felt, touched, and known. As I spoke, brought to mind was the Broadway Musical, “Tommy”, where Tommy sings the words, “See me, feel me, touch me, heal me!” Those words have always held deep significance for me and I have used them in a variety of programs and writings I have done in the past.

The next day, Sunday morning, my son, Ryan, who lives in NYC, called to say he would meet me on the corner of 17th and 8th – to walk me to school for my second day at the Seminary. After picking up some freshly made banana bread and a bottle of cranberry juice, I began my minor trek down 17th street. Looking ahead, I saw what looked like a person in a wheelchair on my side of the street. As I came up closer, I noticed that there was no movement. I began to wonder if it was possible that whoever this person was might have died, with no one bothering to do anything. Even as a bit a fear emerged, I knew I could not just walk by. I needed to see if there was something I might do. I walked up to the side of the immobile chair and body which was sitting in the middle of the NYC sidewalk that Sunday morning. I saw what looked to be a very weathered, old man in a blue plaid shirt, his lifeless arms loosing hanging down the sides of his confinement. His gray head slouched over his lap as low as his neck would allow. The tube from his urine bag was visible from beneath his wrinkled dark brown pants.

Hoping to not get swatted, if death had not taken him, I gently touched his arm and asked, “Sir, are you OK?” His limp neck quickly snapped into an upright position. Without a lost heartbeat our eyes deeply connected and we were both dancing with the response to “I want to be seen,” and “I see you.” His eyes were bright blue pools of humanity that took me deep within his soul, as I felt he was taken into mine. His face was illumined with light – not at all wrinkled and old as I had thought. He looked as though he could have come from the same seed as one of my children, though about 15 years older. For a moment we joined souls, a knowing that went beyond features, fears, or facts. Time did stand still as we connected to something much more profound, more real. He responded, “I’m hanging in there.”



I asked if there was anything I could do. He said, “No, but thanks.” I thought that he could really do much better than I with my fresh banana bread and cranberry juice. I offered him this breaking of bread, this communion. As I left he said, sweetly and with gratefulness, “Thank you and God bless you.” The lock of the gaze continued. I felt like I wanted to do more – but just said, “Be well.” I gently touched him again and trekked on to meet Ryan at 8th. Ten steps away, I realized that the cash I had in my purse was easily replaceable, so I turned on my heel and returned to this man with whom I had engaged with in Spirit. Quietly, I slipped some bills into his hand. Again he responded with “God Bless you.” Tears began to well in my eyes – it was such a deep moment of LOVE experienced in this most unplanned Sunday morning service. And before I turned again to meet my next commitment, I touched his arm and said, “My name is Diana, what’s yours?” He looked up at me, and said, “My name is Tommy.” At that moment, I couldn’t take in a breath. I was stunned. “Tommy!” There was no reason to tell him of this “coincidence.” I sent him love, walked away – took a breath and cried until I reached my son on 8th Ave.

“See me, feel me, hear me, touch me, heal me.” What is my God? What is the Divine? I don’t know. I don’t know what is real and unreal. We live in a world of paradox. However, in that moment, two quite disparate beings crossed paths. My “Yes” to all that is possible, connected with his “Yes” of that that is real. I would like to believe that we changed the world in that moment of seeing, touching, feeling, hearing. I want to believe, to hope that moments, as these, can lead to Healing – of me, of Tommy, of those who came before and those who come after.
This extraordinary experience beckons our presence, our willingness to look at our own sins (missing the mark) and calls us to give great compassion as freely as possible.
Could this be the little voice of the divine? Could this be that God Presence? The Atman? Brahman?

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Jacob and I Wrestling with God

Damn it! I want a miracle – for me, and for the world.

I want to be shown NOW! Call me “doubting Thomas,” It matters not to me.

This “game” of life has gone on long enough –NOW is the TIME!

If this transcendent energy, spirit, “God” exists;
not as an aberration of our Ego to justify our own existence –
but a reality of a higher Being --
a Universal consciousness.
The Crystal –
The Fireball of ALL existence,
The Core,
The Black Hole from which we were all born
Then SHOW YOURSELF!!!!!

Not in the way that our minds and hearts
must ascertain or suppose your existence or truth.

SHOW YOURSELF as the Holocaust did.

SHOW YOURSELF
as any of the destructive, horrific evils have shown themselves on this earth --
obviously, visibly, with all senses and emotions penetrated.

I call out to you: Come, Here, NOW
as a miracle of Greatness and Goodness
in the form of Beauty and Awe.

We desperately need Transformation, our direction again to be fixed on the Goal.

There is no reason for my request to be denied.
Your ineffable knowingness,
ought to create this experience without my pleading.
Your compassion for your creation
should have felt my/our pain and impoverishment – without my cry.

For me, for all of humanity to turn around, to again reach up, across
and into the realms of the abundance of life,

We need to experience the reality of this Unconditional Love
We hunger for the absolute touch of this Divine Embrace.


Where are YOU?!!!!!

Show me, Show us!!!

Age of Enlightenment

Angel,
Spirit of Truth,
Wisdom and Enlightenment,

Release one of your burnished arrows
that has been formed and tempered
by the Passion and Love of the Sun/Son.

With the marksmanship of a keen hunter
find your mark
and deeply pierce my heart.

Shatter any useless protection that remains
that holds back my ability
for true compassion.
for true joy,
for true love.
Let the wound
release the gifts of my heart.
that I may love my self,
have unconditional love for those in my life,
and open my heart to the world.

Let this piercing burn through the doors
surrounding my soul,
so I may open to receive
the gifts /grace of the Spirit.

Then can I be Whole, Complete
With my Self,
And experience
Being in the Oneness.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Get Hooked

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www.PlanetFlahive.com

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